Big Brother 13: 07.10.2011

The Big Brother Golden Key was announced last episode and it’s on everyone’s mind- a free pass through the next 4 eliminations- damn straight everyone wants it. Game changer. Brenchel is still obsessed with floaters, only takes about 2 minutes into the show before Brendan says that they have to “grab a lifevest”.

Evil Dick has an evil plan to put the newbie pairs up, get rid of the strong individuals now and then the weak ones later. Sounds pretty solid- and obvious. Evil Dick and Daniele are actually talking- strategy that is. They want to bring one of the newbie teams onto their side- carefully. All the veteran teams are together.

Porsche and partner Keith are thinking about teaming up with some vets, maybe. Keith doesn’t seem so down with Porsche’s plan in his interview.

Jordan dutch ovens Jeff. Classy.

Rachel reveals her HOH room to the disinterested group- round bed and an HOH robe are the highlights- Rachel’s laugh is the lowlight. Rachel knows they’re all kissing her ass, clearly she’s either learned something from being on Big Brother before or has seen the show because that’s basic stuff- of course they are.

Brendan tells Rachel that he hates botox and plastic surgery, Rachel disagrees and says he has no complaints about the sweater puppies.

Dominic brings Cassi a smart plan to pick one person from each of the newbie teams to team up to protect each other if their teams get put up. Keith and Bowtie Lawon are in for the ride on this plan- they’re calling themselves The Regulators. Why does being locked up in the Big Brother house cause the human brain to come up with the worse names for alliances?

Evil Dick talks to Porsche about joining in with the vets. She’s game for it- smart move. Porsche tells her partner Keith about the plan- Keith isn’t having any of that- he’s telling the Regulators and now she’s a prime target. Not that they have any power right now.

Time for the Have/Have Not competition and Rachel’s dressed up like some bizarre colorful cow with a sea captain’s hat. Everyone else has the cow outfits too and the backyard is set up like some outer space scene. They have to soak up milk from a pool with their sponge hands and sponge outfits. Squeezing out the milk involves dry humping the cow outfits, err more like wet humping I guess with all that milk. The unsexiest dry humping ever.

Jeff, Jordan, Dick and Daniele win it and are Haves for the week. Lawon, Porsche, Cassi, Shelly, and Kalia are the Have Nots and their bedroom is like a padded cell with lights that can’t be turned off and an ottoman for a bed. Big Brother Slop isn’t shown tonight.

Now Evil Dick wants to talk to Heavy Metal Adam to ask for his cooperation. Not sure how well that actually went- Adam just kinda says yes but doesn’t really mean it.

Nomination ceremony and Rachel can either try to get rid of someone who is a tough competitor, or try to keep someone they can work with. She’s managed to go the whole episode without saying “floaters”, impressive. Because they’re nominating duos, they pull two keys at the same time- interesting. Keith and Porsche are nominated this week. Keith has the Regulators but that might not be enough votes. We shall see.

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