Big Brother 13: 07.14.2011

It’s eviction night on Big Brother and the first live show of the season. Hello Julie Chen, how are you? Julie’s all business tonight in her business suit as she lays down the recap which has Keith and Porsche 911 on the block thanks to Rachel’s nominations.

It looks like the newbies want Porsche gone because they know the vets can control her if she stays. The newbs have 6 votes vs. 4 for the vets, so they need to flip one person to get what they want.

Aaaaand the drinking games start as the vets try to get in with the noobs. Looks like a round of thumper (or “big booty” as they call the game). Dominic sees right through their shit and knows the vets just want something. He seems like a smart player.

Rachel spills her private nickname for Brendan to the house- Booky. Argh. Now we have to see them fighting in the HOH room. This is getting sappy and weird. I’d give them 1 year of marriage if they even make it that far, if this is how they are outside the house.

I don’t know what’s worse- Brenchel crying at each other or the horrible Yanni music Big Brother is piping in for us. Booky is such a wussy. He doesn’t want to be inadvertently demasculanized. You know what- I’d rather hear Rachel’s annoying laugh than Booky’s horrific whining.

Jeff has a master plan to rope Adametallica in by letting him name their alliance. He says “Adam’s Angels” and that he’s still on board with them to keep Porsche Turbo in the house. Who knows if he really is? He doesn’t even know.

Message from Evel Dick on video now. He reveals nothing about why he left the house other than it’s personal but does apologize to Daniele. Julie prompts Daniele for an “I love you” to him on air and awkward! she doesn’t want to say it.

Time for the voting now. The noobs mostly all vote for Porsche, the vets all vote for Keith, except Kalia and Shelly who vote Keith. Daniele does say that she loves her father before giving her vote. Julie reads the votes to the houseguests and by a vote of 6 to 4 Keith is the first person evicted from the Big Brother house.

After Julie’s interview and special messages from the houseguests, it’s time for the HOH compeition. The Big Brother Open is set up in the backyard and it’s a giant miniature golf set up where they have one shot to try to get it closest to the hole using an oversized putter and giant ball. Lawan has the worst golf swing in history, btw. Jordan wins HOH with a great shot as Jeff and Booky throw the competition afterwards to let her have it.

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