Celebrity Apprentice 2011 ep02: Child’s Play

Coming back from last week’s Boardroom, the celebs (and “celebs”) are generally excited to see David Cassidy gone. Lisa Rinna is proud of her confrontation with Star Jones. Star says don’t f with me, I’m a lawyer and I can argue a point.

Teams are summoned to Madison Square Garden for Mr. Trump to present the task. Trump has Don Jr. and Eric today (it’s weird he’s going by “Don Jr.” since Donald doesn’t go by Don. He could just go by Don and we’d know who he was, right?) The teams will be creating a children’s book and presentation based on at least one person on the team. What the hell this has to do with Madison Square Garden is beyond me.

Meat Loaf (enthusiastically) and Lisa Rinna (reluctantly) are chosen to be project managers.

The men’s Backbone team gets organized quickly based pretty much on a story about Lil Jon turning into a superhero. Loaf is all revved up with no place to go and taking charge and getting the men to work nicely. A.S.A.P. has concepts that are too big for 4 and 5 year olds initially before NeNe sets them straight. Like sand through the hourglass, Lisa Rinna is having trouble leading the women.

The men meet with someone from book publishing and John Rich takes rhyming as a challenge and comes up with some good ones. The women find out that lions and animals are hot with kids and immediately proclaim LaToya to be the lion.

Jose Canseco’s fake contacts remind the camera that he wrote 2 best sellers and starts arguing with everyone over the content. I’d like to remind Jose that if he goes on Amazon and sees the two books he wrote, they have everything to do with steroids and nothing to do with kids. Meanwhile Marlee Matlin keeps pushing for a deaf aspect for the book which is falling on deaf ears (zing!) and nobody wants to argue with 70 year old Dionne Warwick because she’s old and she’s freakin’ Dionne Warwick and who knows if she’ll ever love this way again. Marlee calls Dionne ignorant (not to her face, natch).

Lisa and Star start clashing because Lisa won’t decide on which concept to use. She goes with Dionne’s fun concept over the heavier one of the now-pissed off Marlee (a published children’s author, btw).

Meat Loaf sends Gary Busey and Canseco to get the props. Loaf sends them to the wrong address but Jose took the words right out of his mouth because his phone is dead. The theater manager and Loaf are ping ponging them back and forth between two different addresses and Jose’s about to go into a roid rage and pick up the van and throw it he’s so pissed off. Paradise by the dashboard light this is not. The pair come back in a rage witnessed by Eric Trump’s observation.

At A.S.A.P. Niki Taylor is raising concerns that kids that age don’t know what “shy” is. At the rehearsal Don Jr. says the lion that lost his roar is a Wizard of Oz ripoff. Playmate Hope actually has a line! Whoop! Let’s go for 2 next week, ok? Star Jones calls in and says Lisa needs to come back and do some damn work on the book. Star and Dionne are walking right on by Lisa Rinna wanting their names on the book cover instead of just the team name. LaToya is bawling over nothing before finally, in one of the best days of our lives, Lisa stands up for the team and puts an end to this soap opera with A.S.A.P. on the cover.

Loaf is orchestrating the actors and realizes he’s given Jose more lines than a typical Charlie Sheen briefcase. Half the men are dressing up as women. Busey’s playing a crazy kid, basically himself.

Don Jr’s kids spotted in the audience as the women present first. Their performance goes well as Marlee signs along. Kids seem into it. NeNe makes a good chicken.

Meat Loaf works the kiddie crowd like a bat out of hell for the men. Men perform and Jose’s shit ton of lines is actually only 4, which he botches anyway. Lil Jon is a hit and does an ABC 123 rap at the end that gets the kids all up and singing.

The celebs head to the Boardroom. Trump calls Jose stiff and Busey still crazy but Loaf doesn’t want to name any names, thought whole team did well (hey 2 out of 3 ain’t bad). The women are still arguing over Lisa’s leadership. She’s saying she had no support. Trump is dropping F bombs about tattoos and lip implants, saying Lisa Rinna looks great; LaToya looks uncomfortable at this convo, I wonder why.

Women are fawning over the men’s book while the men say they can’t read the women’s book because the print is too small. The men, no surprise, take the win in this challenge. Lisa, Dionne and Star clash in the boardroom but soundbite queen NeNe says they’re all wrong. Dionne and Star railroad over Lisa and in the end Lisa is fired.

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