Celebrity Apprentice 2011 Ep11: Retro Rumble

It’s getting down to the end here on Celebrity Apprentice as Meat Loaf survives the Boardroom with the two ladies, leaving just him John Rich, Lil’ Jon and Marlee Matlin to duke it out. Meat Loaf is celebratory but Marlee is upset over Star’s ousting as Donald Trump enters the War Room like he’s a four star general or something (attn: Donald: “the war room” is just figurative, relax, you’re not really in the Army).

Trump announces that Brett Michaels, Joan Rivers, and Piers Morgan will be interviewing everyone and then he’ll be firing two more people. John Rich is the first to face the trio who are all interviewing him at once. He gives a pretty convincing argument as to why he should be chosen. Lil Jon puzzlingly says he thinks Marlee and John Rich will be in the final two but overall does a decent job answering tough questions from Piers. Meat Loaf has to explain why he kept crying this whole season but shows his passion and desire to want to win. Marlee has to answer whether or not she’s just a fundraiser and is she losing momentum as time goes on. Piers is such a dick. Joan doesn’t say much at all. Brett plays the nice guy sort of.

The three former Celebrity Apprentice winners are all in agreement as to who the two finalists should be. Trump brings them all to the boardroom and all three contestants think that John Rich should be one of the top two. Trump calls out Lil Jon for not picking himself as one of the final two and Lil Jon gets the cobra hand- you’re fired. Trump asks Meat Loaf to teach him how to cry- please don’t Meat, we don’t need to see orange stained tears running down that face. Trump says Meat Loaf is too emotional and therefore not suited for this business- you’re fired. Marlee Matlin and John Rich are your final two.

The Donald presents the final task to the two, a 7-up related challenge. They have to help launch 7up Retro, design the packaging, make a commercial and launch it at an event. One team will get Def Leppard and do an 1980’s theme and the other gets the Harlem Globetrotters for a 1970’s theme. Marlee chooses the 70s, leaving John Rich with a music related theme which could be an advantage. Then again Marlee can’t hear, so not choosing music is smart. The two get to choose from their former contestants to make up their dream team.

John Rich chooses Lil Jon, Mark McGrath and Star Jones while Marlee chooses Meat Loaf, Richard Hatch, and LaToya. Teams have 3 tasks to do in 3 days.

Meat Loaf is bringing some crazy ideas that make no sense to anyone but him. All of Marlee’s team is just spouting out ideas without any organization. Meat Loaf is kinda dominating. They’re using the 7up can as a disco ball and the box as a boombox. Their slogan is “Feel the love”. Somehow she chooses Richard Hatch as a model for a photo? Ugh. Marlee nixes the boombox idea as soon as Meat goes out to get costumes. Back from the costume shop and Meat Loaf is pissed off that they ditched the boombox. Their commercial theme is having everything from the 70s getting stomped by the can. They’re trying to get Jeffrey Holder, the guy from the 70’s 7up commercial “never had it, never will” and he’s in. Huuuuge score.

John Rich is running a tight ship, they’ve got a slogan “Still Keeping It Real” and everyone knows what they’re doing. They’re using a zebra stripe for the can design. Everyone seems to be getting along, even Star. Team John Rich needs a concept for their commercial and Mark McGrath pulls out a winning one it seems. They want to book an 80’s icon and apparently John Rich is friends with Dee Snider (WTF?!?) and wants him in the commercial but there’s a problem- he has a huge mustache for a play he’s in. He gets the ok to shave and it’s on like Donkey Kong.

Next day and the cans are back from their graphic shop and both look really tight. Team John Rich gets an Axl Rose and Madonna look-a-like to come in for the commercial. Dee Snider shows up and they’re putting him in full Twisted Sister gear. Dee has two parts, one dressed normal and one Twisted up- hugely visually awesome. Meanwhile John Rich is arguing with Def Leppard’s tour manager over a kick drum.

Team Marlee is shooting Marlee in the print campaign while Meat Loaf works on the script. Richard Hatch is critical of Meat Loaf’s unrestrained freedom in writing the script while Marlee is pre-occupied. Hatch is dressed up in a ridiculous blonde wig saying ridiculous lines, LaToya is dressed as a superhero. Meat Loaf has a long haired wig on and looks very much like himself form the 1970’s- awesome. They’re having a problem- Jeffrey Holder’s lawyer wont’t let him sign the release so he can’t be in their commercial. This angers Meat Loaf greatly- he’s almost losing it- saying he’s going to throw the phone across the room.

And cut. Cliffhanger until next week. Right now it looks like John Rich might win but it’s anybody’s game as they say, especially if they somehow get Jeffrey Holder.

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