Celebrity Apprentice 2012: ep01 Hero Worship


The Donald is at Lincoln Center with 18 celebrities, bigger and better, or so he says, ready to be his “apprentice”. He’s got the usual group of well known names, b-list celebrities, super models, reality stars, and people you need to google. They’re raising money for charity and of course a bit of self-promotion along the way- something Trump knows all about.

Dee Snider fully expects Teresa Giudice to flip a table at some point, lol. Adam Carolla says he’s playing for his charity “white kids without iPads” lol. Victoria Gotti is scaring everyone, probably due to her teeth… or mob background. Donald Trump splits them up into men vs. women and says go to Trump Tower, pick a project manager and name and report back.

The men all like the Honey Badgers name at first. Penn suggests Unanimous which seems to be the “unanimous” choice. The women have some pretty weakass name choices being thrown out there. Debbie Gibson says “Forte”… didn’t someone just use that name? Patricia Velasquez (who?) volunteers to be project manager. Nobody on the men want to be project manager, they volunteer Paul Teutul Sr. from American Chopper.

To the boardroom they go hear about their task. Ivanka and Don Jr. are on board again as The Donald’s eyes and ears. Teams have to make the most money in sales and tips in their task. They have to make sandwiches in a deli for their task.

The men are going for a carnival atmosphere to draw attention with Penn Jillette. Paul Sr. claims he can bring in half a million dollars!!!!!! Penn says name all the sandwiches after Choppers, the turkey chopper, etc etc. Keep the branding consistent. He’s pretty smart.

The women suggest carnival too- Victoria Gotti says hell no, the cops will shut that down right away. Red carpet is suggested instead. Debbie Gibson says, she’ll sing out front. Aubrey O’Day (who?!) says she’s the most recognizable of the group and she should be outside.. to the cameras not the group.

The men are at Cafe Metro testing out their sandwich recipes. Paul Sr. and George Takei are like exact opposites, clashing a bit. Ivanka comes to check in on them. She’s doubtful Paul can bring in that kind of cash he’s bragging he can.

The ladies start getting on the phone to raise some money. Cheryl Tieg says what probably everyone else is doing- she’s saving her big donors for her own task. Victoria is doing her own personal business instead of calling people to show up to the deli. They head out to the deli to see where they’re selling sandwiches. Teresa is cooking up some peppers while Cheryl Tiegs is moving in slooooow motion separating cheese as they prep for the next day’s sales.

Next morning, day of the task and Victoria Gotti isn’t on the bus. The ladies set up a red carpet and velvet rope and it’s a “celebrity club” theme. In comes Victoria, she tore the cornea of her eye last night- ouch.

Lou Ferrigno takes off his shirt to change and George Takei is in heaven. Pen is juggling outside and Paul’s buddies roll up in their choppers- it’s a definite scene out there and people are gathering.

The women are much more lower key outside their place, but oh there’s Wyclef Jean donating $15,000. They’ve got al title coffeehouse jam sessions in the window going on with Wyclef playing guitar. But where’s at the customers?

Penn brings in some suit guy who will pay $500, Clay Aiken upsells him to $1000, nice work Clay. Forte is bringing in big numbers, selling $12,000-$15,000 sandwiches. Teresa brings in Andy Cohen, while Patricia brings in Russell Simmons. Over on the men’s side, everyone is outside while nobody inside is buying sandwiches. Where’s Paul Teutul’s half million?

Trump gets on the phone to check in with the project managers. He wants them to bring their best sandwich to the Rachael Ray show and the best tasting one gets a large bonus. Paul needs it, I think. Lisa Lampanelli and Victoria Gotti face off against Arsenio Hall and Adam Carolla for best ‘which. Rachael takes a bite of each.

Less than 10 minutes left and the rush is on. The men haven’t had any big checks since Paul promised big numbers, nobody else made any fundraising efforts. Looks like the men might be in trouble here, and Paul especially.

To the boardroom they go. Patricia says if they lost, she’d bring back Cheryl Tiegs and Victoria Gotti because they didn’t bring in the big money and Victoria was not working as a group. Paul says George Takei and Arsenio are his weakest players. Cafe Metro is donating $35,000 to the sandwich Rachael Ray liked best which was the men’s. The women raised $126,000, the most for a first task ever. The men dominated the crap out of them by raising $367,000. Insane! Paul says he raised $305,000 from one person alone. Damn! Who?

Paul gets almost half a million for his charity. Champagne all around for Unanimous. Now the women have to send someone home. It’s down to Cheryl, Victoria or project manager Patricia. Unfortunately and after multiple Trump apologies, Cheryl has to go. Cheryl, you’re fired.

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