Real Housewives of New Jersey: S03E03: Sealed with a Diss

Kathy and Rich’s loudly slurp soup out of the bowls as loudly colored as her fight with Teresa at the Brownstone the previous night. She wants a sit-down with Caroline to show she’s a nice person.

Teresa heads into the city for a food photoshoot for her second cookbook. T asks someone at the shoot what she thinks about the recipes and best selling author Teresa interrupts her with “ingredientses” and an r-rated pronunciation of “cumin”. Look out Chomsky, here comes Giudice.

Over at Melissa and Joe Gorga’s house, Joe is stressed over the lack of “cumin” release. Even his kids call him crazy.

Jacqueline, in typical housewife fashion, visits a psychic (what’s the deal with that? they all do it). The psychic says daughter Ashley has constant PMS (that sounds about right- remember the apartment in the city incident?). Jacqueline looks like she’s had work done on her lips maybe.

The Manzo boys are moving in today and Caroline and Lauren are helping out. Jacqueline got them a couch and a stripper pole- stay classy Jacqueline. On second thought, he might need that to conduct some interviews for his stripper carwash. So it’s a business expense- write it off your taxes Manzo. Surprise- Albie and Chris have a roommate- and he has a dog in a hoodie name Doloris.

Jacqueline’s parents are visiting. Apparently Ashley has five half brothers too. Jacqueline is stressing about Ashley’s wanting an apartment in the city. Maybe the stress of having two families is causing her bitchiness. No… it’s that she’s a spoiled brat- remember the car incident?

Peacemaker Kathy comes to Caroline with a massive bouquet and attempts to sit on Caroline’s pillow filled couch which has a 85:15 pillow to sitting area ratio. It’s a single-cheeker. Both agree that the Joe Gorgas and Teresa fight is between them and nobody else.

Bath time for the Gorga kids and Joe wants to sprinkle some “cumin” on Melissa. Put the kids to bed he says. Put your mouth to bed, Joe, you’re on TV.

Kathy and Rich’s house now and Rich bought her a new Mercedes (because Teresa treated her bad? the interview implies). Nice wheels.

Kim D, (not seen in Posche!) is showing Teresa, Jacqueline, slicked back hair Caroline and friends where she buys her clothes. Slick hair Caroline tells Teresa to shut the hell up while I talk, which she does not. I think Teresa doesn’t even know she’s talking- her “at rest” state is with mouth moving. They want Teresa to write her brother a letter.

Quick shot of the Gorga’s closet which is the size of Chris and Albie’s apartment and oh surprise Joe’s horny. Ok we get it Joe. Nobody cares.

Teresa’s reading off the draft of her letter to Joe from her blinged out Blackberry. Teresa “ingredientses” Giudice, calls Melissa and Joe “stupid”. Hours later and 1000 sheets of paper scattered on Jacqueline’s table, and the letter is done. The two drive over to drop the letter off. Tension builds as Teresa rings their bell- luckily they’re not home and she leaves it in their door.

The Gorga’s come back from a jog and find the note waiting for them. Joe’s pissed and doesn’t even want to read it, so Melissa does. She reads it and Joe’s still on the fence about talking to Teresa. We’ll find out next week…

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