Real Housewives of New Jersey: S03E04: Gobblefellas

It’s Thanksgiving time for the Real Housewives of New Jersey and the Gorga’s are picking up some food in the supermarket. Joe Gorga slaps the pork butt and says he’s a butt man. Stay classy Joe. They’re picking up more Italian food than traditional Thanksgiving food. Apparently shopping with Melissa is a total whine-fest, I’m annoyed at the 30 second clip, I couldn’t imagine a whole shopping trip. Wow.

Teresa and Joe are heading out to pick up a turkey for the dinner they are hosting with friends. T is getting lost, not listening to either the GPS or the Joe-P-S. They head to a farm where they pick out a live turkey from a cage- “meet it before you eat it”. They look completely mortified and feel too guilty after meeting one and end up buying an already dead one. You know there’s no difference, right? The dead one was alive yesterday.

Kathy and her kids are cooking up an insane number of desserts, literally every flat surface in her kitchen is covered in pastries or cookies of some sort.

Caroline and Albert are driving Lauren to boyfriend Vito’s to meet his parents. They show up at the Italian deli that Vito’s family owns and runs. They put Lauren to work right away, giving her an apron and setting her up on the meat slicer. Vito, if she slices a finger off you don’t have to get her a ring. I’m just saying.

Ashley shows up at Albie and Chris’s apartment. Score on the roomate guys, he’s cleaning your toilet bowl. I’ve got an extra room for you too if you want buddy. Ashley is complaining to them about the commute from New Jersey into the city. Albie and Chris set her straight and tell her to suck it up, 5 million people commute into Manhattan from NJ every day.

Back at Chris and Jacqueline’s house and Ashley has shaped the hell up thanks to Albie and Chris’s advice- cleaned her room, the kitchen and walked the dog. She says she doesn’t want to live in the city just yet and doesn’t want anything from her parents, she’s just trying to be a good person. Aaaaaaand then she hits them up for the car.

Teresa is cooking for Thanksgiving now, Joe’s sleeping, and the kids are going nuts dragging each other by the hair (literally). She’s got a chocolate turkey. The Manzo’s show up, and one of Teresa’s kids is handling a knife. Kim “D” is there. Jacqueline’s family shows up. Caroline says she used to live in the country and she knows how to shoot a 22. Damn girl. Don’t. mess. with. Caroline. (or Teresa’s kids for that matter).

Thanksgiving day at the Gorga’s and there’s multiple people in leopard clothing. Everyone’s doing shots, again. Kathy’s family shows up, luckily she didn’t wear her leopard dress and she sets up a ridiculous dessert table with tiered stands and labels. Seriously I’ve seen weddings with less desserts. Joe’s got a surprise for Melissa outside… it’s an inflatable mechanical bull ride. Stay classy Joe. Everyone gets a turn (insert your own “your mama” joke here readers).

It’s suggested to Joe Gorga that he call Teresa and invite her for dessert. I’m sure there’s more than enough dessert. Joe feels bad because everyone else at his Thanksgiving table has lots of family and is close to them. Joe says he’s going to call Teresa.

Teresa is yelling at Gabriella for smacking her sister. Everyone’s pressuring Vito about getting married. Ashley takes off in the middle of dinner to meet a friend- on Thanksgiving? What the hell Ashley? Teresa shows the card that Melissa got them for their housewarming- it says “congrats on your re-done home” and apparently there was some sort of issue with Teresa throwing Melissa’s cookies into the trash. Caroline sets her straight and says forget the petty shit, meet up with Joe to talk.

And cut.

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