Real Housewives of New Jersey: S03E05: Stick It

RHONJ is back! The Gorga kids and the wears-a-hat-even-in-the-house Joe listen to Melissa singing Amazing Grace in her closet with the hilariously incorrect “save a wench like me” line. Joe says she should take up singing- couldn’t be worse than half the other housewives’ music (hi- being on a reality show doesn’t make you a singer, FYI). I’d also suggest a course in lyric memorization. Just saying.

Caroline is spending quality time watching Albert hit a few putts on the golf course. He suggests she give out some parenting advice as a cure for her empty nest syndrome.

Chris and Ashley reveal to Jacqueline that they went to go look for a car for Ashley- to Jacqueline’s surprise. Flashback to the first car she got- which was taken away due to behavior issues. Ashley says she deserves it because “she’s not in rehab and she’s a good kid”. No not spoiled at all there.

Joe Gorga left a message for Teresa saying he wants to go to Gia’s gymnastic meet. Oooh.

Kathy’s kids Joseph and Victoria have some sort of promise contracts that they have to write up and sign each year. Bizarre shot of Victoria in a cowboy hat is shown and the kids come back with their contracts. Joseph says he’ll probably have a drink or two when he’s a senior. He’s pretty funny- put him on more Andy Cohen, thanks.

Melissa is clothes shopping with her sisters and SCANDAL! it’s not at Posche. This is huge! It’s gotta be a first. Teresa takes a dig at her saying she’s never had to work for her money and buys whatever she wants- ok T now that you’re the big author you can talk- ok girl, what were you doing before you used your RHONJ table-flipping notoriety to write a book? Nothing?

Joe Gorga calls and is talking to the Gia and Teresa gets on the phone, brief talk but she’s kinda rude to him. He wants to see the gymnastic meet.

Jacqueline, Chris and Ashley drive over to pick up Ashley’s car- it’s a Jeep Wrangler. Ashley is texting the whole time the salesman is talking to them. They sign and she drives off into the night, not a spoiled brat at all, no.

Kathy’s reveals that her daughter Victoria had a tumor the size of a tennis ball on her brain removed. Still doesn’t explain the weird cowboy hat picture in her house but she’s been through a lot, we’ll leave that alone.

Melissa’s 22 year old songwriter shows up and to my surprise his name actually is Antony and not just a Jersey Housewife mispronunciation of Anthony. Antony plays the song they’re co-writing, it’s ok a bit repetitive but I’ve heard worse from some housewives (and househusbands- *cough* Simon *cough*).

Caroline is going to talk to the radio station to ask for a show. She talks to the executives, they give her a test question that she handles pretty well and say they’ll get back to her.

Jacqueline’s son CJ makes a rare appearance playing video games in a suit and tie. Score!

Now we’re at Gia’s gymnastic meet. Gia is pumped that Joe Gorga’s going to show up (probably). Gia’s a little monkey up there, almost sticking the landing on the uneven bars. Joe’s still not there and Gia’s getting thrown off her game, not jumping the vault on her turn. Poor Gia. Now she falls off the balance beam, her concentration is off. Gia’s pissed that her Uncle Joe hasn’t shown up yet. They missed all her events and finally showed up for the awards only.

Teresa and Joe talk a little bit; their kids are having a great time together. Their spouses aren’t talking but it looks pretty positive for them making up. Now Melissa’s upset that Teresa’s treating her like shit and Joe says that next time Teresa has to apologize to her. Will she? We’ll see next week.

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