Real Housewives of New Jersey: S03E06: Whine and Dine

It’s a beautiful fall day in Franklin Lakes, New Jersey as Caroline’s overly tanned friend Dolores visits. She got the info packet from the radio station and is doing a mock call with Dolores to practice for her advice show. Dolores does a half decent Teresa impression (and seems to know a lot of what’s going on with her) and Caroline gives half decent advice.

Caroline mentions that Teresa has a judgement and may have to sell the contents of her home- hopefully not the gold leafed toilet bowl. Shirtless Joe Gorga alert! Melissa takes over the hat wearing duties (in the house mind you, cause that’s how the Gorga’s roll) as Joe gets ready with the half tucked button down shirt look. Teresa’s getting ready too, they’re both going to meet at a restaurant.

They meet! Joe, hatless, brought the letter and is going over it word by word. Teresa’s having trouble being put on the spot and is saved nicely by the wine-bearing waiter. Joe says he’s not over the Christening yet and says the problem is between her husband Joe and him. Teresa says the problem was when he got married. Teresa (in her interview) says that Melissa just wanted Joe’s money and that she was basically a rebound chick after his engagement fell through.

Oh my- they’re showing a picture of Kathy with “Jersey hair” from years ago. That’s some serious hair height. Joe says you never invited me to your book signing. Teresa says you should have just shown up to congratulate me. Joe says you’ve never been an aunt. Teresa says the problem is with Melissa. She brings up the “congrats on your redone home” card. Teresa says she’s a cold person and she misses Joe and they agree that she needs to work it out with Melissa herself. That went pretty well- no yelling from Joe and no table flipping from Teresa.

Kathy and RIch are visiting the Gorga family accountants for dinner? Accountants? Who does that? Kathy laments that they are not “traditional Italians” and have a chef cooking dinner for everyone. The Gorga’s show up too, Joe built this house Melissa says. Melissa says she’s going to talk to Teresa about Kathy- Kathy says handle your own shit I’ll handle mine with her. The accountant’s wife says Teresa dissed her daughter at some birthday party by not RSVPing.

Caroline’s getting ready for her first radio show and she’s a little worried- she has to read the weather, traffic and do commercials too. Bathrobed Albert reassures her. Let’s please make sure that robe is tied real tight Al.

Jacqueline goes to visit Teresa. T says that Melissa and Joe got married too quickly and that Melissa’s was a gold digger. Cut to a shot of Melissa saying Teresa’s the gold digger. Husband Joe interrupts to say that they’re not auctioning off her belongings as they’re saying on CNN. Jacqueline convinces her to call Melissa to meet at her (Jacqueline’s) house.

Caroline is at the radio station now, New Jersey 101.5. Daughter Lauren is there for support. Cut to Kathy listening in as Caroline begins to talk- Teresa and Jacqueline listening in their cars. She’s nervous as hell, saying “umm” a lot and fidgeting. Kind of awkward until she gets a phone call. The phones are lighting up as Caroline calms down a bit and sounds like she’s doing well hitting her stride giving out advice on love and family.

Melissa is in her closet with sister Lysa getting ready for the meetup with Teresa, Kathy shows up. Seriously the Gorga’s spend more time in the closet than Elton John (poor reference, sorry- drop a comment if you’ve got a better one). They think that meeting at Jacqueline’s house is a good idea- neutral ground with a third party there to keep the peace.

Caroline is at Jacqueline’s house and Teresa and Melissa are heading over soon. Caroline says she doesn’t want to be there and that Jacqueline has the heart of a saint to let those two in her house. Jacqueline offers her a sedative, lolz. Teresa is planning a getaway to the Catskills, no kids. Caroline says to “put your big girl panties on” and do what you have to do.

Melissa shows up and the showdown begins. Teresa begins with an apology. Melissa says she doesn’t see how it’s ever going to work……….and cut till next week.

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