Real Housewives of New Jersey: S03E08: Holidazed and Confused

After a two week hiatus thanks to the 4th of July, the Real Housewives of New Jersey is back and it’s Christmas time in Jersey. Jacqueline is having a cocktail party and inviting the Gorga’s and the Guidices. Rare CJ appearance, making cookies. Ashley, clearly still obsessed with her, brings up Danielle Staub when discussing the Teresa/Joe feud.

Caroline’s moving furniture, with Greg- Albie and Chris’ roommate, who was last seen cleaning a toilet, and now he’s doing the heavy couch lifting. Dude is a solid roommate- wow. Someone or something ate one their Santa’s faces off while it was in storage the last year. Caroline is looking for a green feather Christmas tree which sounds horrific.

Melissa Gorga, who says she’s no Celine Dion (and she’s not, thank god), is ready to meet some music producers about her “singing career”. Or should that be “singing” career? or maybe singing “career”. Her lawyer brings over a team of music people to hear her sing “Antony’s” lyrics. I’m still convinced his name is Anthony and that’s just how everyone in NJ pronounces it. Actually she sings pretty decent and the producers agree. Joe’s worried that she’ll be gone for 15 hours a day- no problem Joe says he’ll build a studio in the dungeon basement.

Joe Giudice slap chopping some ions up. Teresa rocking the straight hair and a super short skirt comes downstairs for a living room picnic on the floor with him. Is their furniture gone?

Kathy and Rich are still driving around with her ridiculous hat looking at more restaurant spaces. They seem to like this space.

Melissa and Joe’s son Gino is keeping the family style up by wearing his ski hat indoors while he eats. Ski hat wearing Joe is telling his men to build the studio downstairs.

Jacqueline and Lauren head out to Albie and Chris’s apartment to visit. Super roommate Greg is there. Lauren is upset- she feels like she’s been replaced by Greg. Well maybe if you start cleaning the toilet and moving furniture like Greg does. Albie gives her a key, says stop by any time- just call first.

Super Greg is now setting up the green feather Christmas tree while the Manzos all watch. With no glitter in their apartment, Lauren uses red pepper and glue to write their names on the stockings. That’s hot.

Kim “G” in the house- her house! She has a giant chandelier to show off to Jacqueline. Kim G mentions that she had a brain tumor removed. Kim starts reading off some emails from Teresa, trying to start shit up. Jacqueline tells her to shut the f up, to her face- twice. After last season it looked like Kim “G” would be the newest Real Housewife but she’s been minimized this year, thankfully.

Kathy and Rich are meeting Albert at the Brownstone to talk about the restaurant. Albert says be careful because a restaurant will consume all of your time- missing family functions and more. Albert advises them to start small- with just catering. I’d advise Kathy to lose that stupid Debbie Gibson hat.

First appearance of Santino- Jacqueline’s dog!? Poor guy is all caged up. Look out Jiggy, there’s a new Real Housewives pet. She’s having the party- the Manzos and super roommate Greg show up. Greg proceeds to clean the entire house and cook a meal for 20 while juggling 4 bowling pins and walking the dog. The just-out-of-court Guidice’s show up. Apparently Teresa started shit with the lawyer’s wife who is suing them in court.

The Gorga’s show up. Joe is literally half the size of Greg. everyone seems to be getting along, especially Joe Gorga and the Manzo boys. Teresa looks pissed that Joe’s the center of attention….because he’s putting on Jacqueline’s dress. 2nd time in a few weeks we’re seeing a cross-dressing Joe Gorga. Not cool- just stick with the hats buddy. Teresa’s all jealous now that Melissa is becoming friends with Jacqueline and Caroline.

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