The Five Most Absurd Television Commercials

Ads have become as much a part of the television experience as the featured shows and movies. Masterful commercials compel viewers to take action and purchase products, but there are some unfortunate ads that only make you shake your head in astonishment. From screaming car salesmen to ear-splitting jingles, some commercials just make you wonder, “why?” Thankfully we have the Internet to preserve and view these timepieces of the absurd forever. For your enjoyment, here are the five most absurd commercials in television history.

5. Maybelline Kissing Stick
Designed with the disco fabulous consumer in mind, this commercial proves that the only cosmetic you truly need is a fat tube of lip balm. Who doesn’t love a dance partner that can do the hustle and plug their favorite product in rhyme? Clearly, all of these women are wearing other lip products: The white balm in the tubes shown can’t make that perfect wine-red pucker. If you buy Maybelline Kissing Stick, however, you will be surrounded by happening good times.

4. Happy Holidays From Coors

Who’s that at the door, Bill? Why, it’s the Banquet Beer! In a stroke of marketing genius, the advertisers at Coors decided to dress a radio-controlled car up in a fancy 12-pack box. There’s no need to go out and purchase a case. Rocky Mountain refreshment will come to you all on its own! A lager caravan is the perfect way to say “Merry Christmas!” The best of the Rockies, indeed!

3. Flea Market Montgomery

If your commercial becomes an inter-media meme, you’ve either done something terrifically brilliant or terribly wrong. This gem, written and performed by former disc jockey Sammy Stephens, is the perfect example of why paid advertisers will always be in business. While almost everyone with an Internet connection has seen this commercial, Mr. Stephens is making more money off of being an embarrassing DJ than he ever made by selling furniture. All together now… it’s just like a mini-mall.

2. Pole Position

This commercial almost made the top of the charts. If you’ve ever played Pole Position, you are aware that it was nowhere near as fun as this commercial lets on. In 1982, the year this commercial aired, a corporate executive may have opted to show off his affluence in a new Porsche 944. Why, then, are these kids lounging comfortably in the back seat of a Volkswagen Rabbit instead of hugging their knees? The effects and the song are sure to have you hoping that some giant disembodied hand comes along and forces you out of your wood paneled boat sized station wagon.

1. Dorothy Gray Cold Cream

Well before the advent of cable, paid movie subscriptions and 3D TV, this commercial blared on rabbit-ear antennas across the country. Is your face really clean? How can you know? Don’t worry; the executives at Dorothy Gray have contracted an independent study that will give you all the information you need. Listen as the Geiger counter registers the radioactive dirt on this woman’s skin! A little radiation never hurt anyone, right? It is interesting to note that there is no postal code in the address provided. This commercial is that old.

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